"My story is much to sad to be told..."

So guess who didn't get a music, academic, or any other scholarship to NGCSU.

That would be me.

So I am planning on going to YHC.

They seem to want me more and I think I might get an all-around better music experience and it will better prepare me for my career.

So that's that.

P-ce.

"I never said I'd leave this city. I never said I'd leave this town..."

Well. Actually I did.

But that is besides the point.

I honestly am back to the same place I was a month ago.

I have no idea where I am going next year.

I love NGCSU, but they have done nothing to show they want me back.

With YHC, professors have come up to me and personally addressed me and asked me where I am in my decisions and how much they want me there...

So I have decided that if I do not here back from NGCSU's music department by the time I get back from New York, I am choosing YHC.

As much as I want to leave this place, I feel wanted at YHC.

And that is what everyone wants right?

To be wanted?

I don't know.

I just need to pray about it I guess...

"Things have changed for me, and thats okay. I feel the same. I'm on my way."

Okay so I'm writing this on reserve battery power so hopefully people will be able to read this tomorrow.

But I'm going to try to branch away from my normal, "I hate Blairsville" ranting for a second and look at the big picture.

I have friends that love me and people here for me. I have a talent given by God that will take me places. I have an attitude that can sometimes get me in trouble, but in most cases helps me in troublesome cases. 

Now as for you hating little pieces of you-know-what...

I don't care that you want me gone.

You have to live with me in your life until May 23rd.

So just shut the hell up because you only have maybe three "real" friends here.

Oh, wait. Wasn't I your "real" friend at one time?

Can you tell me what happened there?

Oh yea. You make friends to break friends.

And make plans to break plans.

And build hearts to break hearts.

You call everyone else superficial and fake, why don't you take a look in the mirror?

Then you might just maybe see what you have been saying to me the whole time.

And how dare you call someone "fake nice" when all you do is sit around and smile at people all day and then get home and hide behind your text messages and myspace, calling them horrible names that don't even match the situation and involving yourself in conflicts that don't even involve you.

And also, how dare you criticize someone for having religious beliefs.

That is something people hold close and dear to them and it's something you will probably never understand.

With the path you are carving, I wonder if you will ever find real love in your life apart from your mother.

I wonder why I ever called you a friend.

So why don't you take your falsified ego back to Florida.

Maybe they will give you the "love" and "respect" you "deserve" there.

Ahem. I'm finished now.

Thank you for your time.

"When it seems like things are only getting better..."

You know, sometimes life can really confuse you.

One second you can have a complete picture of your life, then the next second you can say, "But what if I..."

That's what is going on with me right now.

I am still about 95% sure I am going to North Georgia, despite various music professors from Young Harris coming up to me and asking me where I am in my decisions.

What ever.

I hate letting people down, but my heart isn't there.

This may sound odd, but it's almost like God is directly telling me where to go and what to do in my life.

And right now He's saying, "Don't get involved with anyone romantically. There is someone waiting for you and you aren't going to find him here. Follow where I am leading you."

So I am doing just that, and I am completely happy and content with this.

Also, I feel like He is leading me somewhere where I can voice my opinions and where other people can here what I need to say. 

Which is why I am thinking about changing my major to Music and Communications so I can work in radio or journalism.

It's still just a thought, but I feel pulled toward it more than I have been pulled toward anything else, and anyone who knows me or has known how long I have stuck with my last career idea knows that is a BIG pull.

But this is what I really think I need to do in my life. I am following what I feel God is saying.

Till next time.

Ash

P.S.- I don't care if you think I'm wacko for saying I hear God. I know I'm not crazy...

Plus it's not like I'm having apparitions, it's just what I'm hearing through prayer. Maybe if more people would try it they could have the same feeling and sensation as me...

P.P.S- It's a wonderful feeling :]

"Back to you, it always comes around back to you..."

"Over you, I'm never over you. There's just something about you..."

oh my. i love john mayer. like i told deana this morning,

"John Mayer and Jack Johnson make my mellow world go 'round."

it's true. it seems like every song that speaks to me at the moment is by one of them.

"Leave the light on, I'll never give up on you... leave the light on for me too."

"Check your pulse. It's proof that you're not listening to the call your life's been issuing you."

"Have no fear in giving in, have no fear for getting over. You better know in the end it's better to say too much than never to say what you need to say again."

"And all of these moments just might find their way into my dreams tonight, but I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings and brings new things."

"There were so many fewer questions when stars were still just the holes to Heaven."

"She's got it all figured out. She knows what every thing's about. And when anybody doubts her, or sing songs without her, she's just so mmmmm."

see what i mean???

OH EM GEE i love them...

"And then while I'm away, I'll write home everyday, and I'll send all my lovin' to you."

I'm so over it.

I hate high school.

I hate restrictions.

I hate the fact that I can't just pick up and leave.

I hate losing contact with people I love.

But I love the times I spend with friends.

I love holding on to the fact I have ten weeks left in this place.

I love knowing I will have so much more freedom next year.

I love having my faith to fall back on.

I love my future sisters.

I doubly love my current ones.

I HATE HIGH SCHOOL.

The end.

Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry?

Okay. So it's safe to say I am more than ready to get out of this freaking retarded soap opera called Union County High School.

People can be so dramatic over the smallest faults.

Just because someone isn't your friend anymore, does not mean it gives you permission to totally bash them in front of other people who don't even know the person.

That just means you are insecure about yourself.

Freaking posers. Get your own scene.

And stupid freshman. Stop acting emo. Everyone knows you have friends and you're the happiest person on the planet. You don't have to act  like you're all alone in the world.

Save the apathy for your mom.

But getting back to me wanting to leave...

I am ready for more freedom. I'm ready for greater challenges and callings. 

Stressed is one word to describe me; confused is another.

I have to choose between two schools that really want me for music.

One has given me scholarships out the wazoo, although I still can't pay for it.

Silly private school.

The other is the one school I have wanted to attend ever since I heard such positive stories from my brother. I should be getting my scholarship letter from them today or tomorrow.

Since when was this decision s hard? Ask me three months ago where I was going and I would happily chime, "North Georgia College and State University."

But now, I realize that I may be able to be happy six miles from my own house.

As of this moment, I plan on attending NGCSU. I haven't heard amazing things about their music department other than, "It's good, but YHC can give you a music education you could never imagine getting at any other institution."

None of those people mentioned Freshman year at YHC costs around $26,000, which comes to about three and a half semesters at NGCSU.

Unless YHC decides to give me ANOTHER scholarship (they have already given me three), North Georgia here I come.

So you tell me, Which sounds better:

Ashley, the Phi Alpha Phi.

OR

Ashley, the Kappa Delta??

I'm not telling you which belongs to which school, unless you are just THAT good :]