"till tonight do us part..."

grr.
i hate state lines.
they seem to be restricing me from everything.
and i hate money to.
it restricts even more.
and both are keeping me from what i REALLY WANT.
its really unfair.
grr.
thats all i have to say about that.

but its christmas time again!
again money limits me, but oh well.
i love giving to other people...

and my 18th birthday is friday!
im excited!

w00t
kay im out...

for 'bout four years i've hated this town...

golly gee whiz.
life goes by fast.
it seems like it was last week that i was moving to this god-forsaken place called blairsville.
nope.
that was 12 years ago.
and i could go all emo and say i hate my life here and how i cant wait to never come back,
but i won't.
honestly my life here, dispite the lack of civilization, has been reasonably good.
i mean sure i hate not having any good shopping, or a movie theater with more than 6 movies playing at a time, or good restauraunts because of the lack of a pouring liscence, but generally i have had a good life here.
now saying this, it may come as a surprise to you when i say that im leaving two weeks after i graduate.
and i may not come back for a while.
at least to live. ill come visit. but nothing for a serious amount of time.
not quite sure i'm going at this moment, however i am sure it will be close to atlanta.
well, closER.

but i just have to promise myself not to end up like other people i used to look up to.
i recently found out my cousin who is about a year and three months older than me, has been checked into rehab because of an alcohol and cocaine addiction.
it's really hard.
i'll try not to cry while writing this, but sometimes you just can't help it.
we were really close.
i talk to her at least once a week, and i had no idea this was going on.
i guess that the cost of her living in O.C. and me in Ho-Hum, Georgia.
she's stopped going to school.
she works two jobs and still takes money from her father to support her habit.
she supposedly started b/c of stresses combined with school and modeling at the same time.
stress reliever and wieght loss solution. way to kill two birds with one stone, right?

i feel so helpless.
like i should fly to cali to help her.
my parents have told me there is nothing i can do to help but i feel like i can.
if only given the chance, i feel like i can make a difference in her life.

hopefully it will all be over soon and treatments will help so my brother doesn't have to get the effin marines involved.

oh and another thing.
my brother told me he's being deployed in february/march and he won't be here for my graduation.
i'm starting to really not like his carreer.

...:::stalker boy:::...

okay.

so this kid has liked me for about a year an five months now.

and it's getting a tad out of control.

first it was innocent and i did not take any of it seriously

because he was a silly little freshman and

no kid who is 14 years old could possibly have the emotions he was telling me.

just normal stuff like "oh you're so pretty" and "date me..."

then it started getting odd.

he started talking about marriage.

and what we were going to do once i graduated.

i'll tell ya exactly what i said...

"no i will not marry you. and we're not doing anything once i graduate

b/c you're wierd and we're not dating."

i know it sounds mean but someone's gotta tell him the truth.

then his first physcho stage.

i started dating somone who was in the one class we shared.

he was "crushed." he asked me everyday how i had the heart to do this to him.

and why i chose the other guy over him.

then luckily summer came.

and he doesn't have my phone number.

i started dating someone he really disapproved of.

and boy did i hear it when school started.

"Two guys that weren't me. what are you thinking? why not me?"

then he recently told me he is giving up

on all dating endeavors together.

because he can't have me,

"his true love."

what the hell???

this year i haven't dated anyone yet,

but probably will very soon.

unfortunatly stalker boy knows about this.

and fortunatly the new boy knows about stalker boy and

is doing everything in his power to make him stop.

unfortunatly i heard that saturday after seeing me and new boy together at formal

he wanted to "kill himself because he was fooling himself

thinking he had a chance."

i hope i don't sound like a bitch by saying this...

but who would honestly give this type of behavior a chance??

i think everyone will support me in saying this kid needs phsycological help...

okay okay

You know its times like these when I feel retarded...

Okay so I made this account forever ago because I loved the idea of being able to document your feelings online for the world to see, even if it reaches like, four people. Kinda reminds me of Lillie in "The Princess Diaries," when she says... "Wanting to rock the world but having zip power..."

Anyway. I only logged in once after the first post because stupid me forgot to write down which of my 2394857 e-mail addresses I use. So I got on today thinking, "Hey the one e-mail I haven't tried yet," and of course it was the right one.

So now Mrs. Krieger can stop telling me I'm the worst and suckiest blogger ever, however I guess she can now call me the dumbest or most absent minded.

But anyway not much has happened of substantial significance since my last log in, excluding the Region Championship win by Girls Cross Country and beginning to read the novel "Dracula," which is slowly eating away at the way I read and interpret things. (For example I never really read much into what the author is really saying... exp: sexual innuendos...)

And off the record... I hate global warming.
All through October, it is mild and maybe a tad hot.
But when November hits... get out the down feather jackets and turn on the heat because it only gets to about 45 degrees as a high.

Georgia weather sucks...

God help us all...

i have a good answer for this...

okay. first blog. random venting here i go...

self-control: i wish people had an idea of what it was. especially when people are trying to prepare themselves as much as possible for the real world (which in my opinion is not blairsville). i honestly don't think people in my high school will actually realize how naive they are until they get out of hick-town usa. there is more to life than cows people...

but anyway back to self-control. close your feaking mouth. nobody really cares what you have to say. well maybe a few people, but have they actually said they do? my guess is no... and i'm not just talking about running your mouth when you're not supposed to. what about the more serious things: sex, drugs, alcohol... nobody cares what you did over the weekend nor do they want to know how trashed you got and who you screwed or who you go in a fight with. i don't know maybe i'm by myself in this topic, but i doubt it...

oh and another thing. why can't we all have cool scottish accents? i met this soccer player for young harris college this weekend and he's from glasgow, scotland. but he wasn't the only one! there are about six players from scotland at young harris college this year. i'm really excited :] but thinking back now i take back my comment about everybody having a scottish accent. if we all had cool accents then it woukdn't be aweing anymore, would it?

but okay i guess i better wrap this thing up... i have to find these gps standards to print off for krieger and some lovely algebra III homework to start on.

oh joy.
<3